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i give up. i will give up worrying about the movement of relationships.

i will let go what ever i need to let go and i will welcome what ever i need to welcome. All i need to do is do my best to be their friends, or what ever role i need to take. i will not worry about loosing them, i will just submit all these to you God. you give what you give and take what you take, i will just do my best in what i can do for them.

my mood had been really unstable today. I am not sure of the reason why, in the morning cheerful, cleaning bathroom, the worst place you can ever clean in a house. then it gradually declined, till it reached semi depression. Now, i just decided to give up that depression so i am in this really "ha, who cares~ not my problem" mood. whenever i think that way, i feel much better :).

But there are still a lot of things i need to improve. a lot. I am still not good enough. I have to aim higher. I have to give up my bad habit, be more active, self motivated.


it might sound random but recently I bought a CD when i went to a concert. It contains contemporary classical composition. modern classic sounds very unique, i think it really draws in your emotion and stir them up, making you become numb and empty. This song, is really making me feel like that, and i would start to feel anxious about this empty emotion. For this song, I cant move for the first 20 min. I would start thinking, just gonna go deep in thoughts, and just gonna be stuck there. these thoughts induced during that time does not have any solution or conclusion to them. just go continuously round and twill and tangle. but I like this music.

I will be going to the japanese film festival to see "the confession", i have read the manga, its a very good and strong story. it has almost every aspect of the 'evil' illustrated in this story. I think i will love this movie, and go home feeling depressed about the world.

you see, i think i am really pushing my self to a bad direction. purposely, placing myself in depressing environment. But i think I am doing this to overcome such feeling I have. I am walking in the direction to the mountain, so that I can go and climb it and over come it!

and learn what does it mean to "be strong and courageous!"
PR
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HN:
HELEN
年齢:
28
性別:
女性
誕生日:
1990/06/25
職業:
学生
趣味:
絵描き&裁縫
自己紹介:
血液型:AB型。