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現実に疲れた時の休憩所?みたいな?
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for a long time.
I have been struggling,
because my way was not right. there was sth in my heart that was not right.
and I always felt I lacked sth.
I finally realise... the one thing I lacked which have been making me miserable.... is
the time with God.

I needed to learn how to spend time with him ESPECIALLY when I am not in the advantaged environment where everyone encourages you to spend time with God.
I needed to make myself seek for his words and meditate on them.
I need to learn how to SACRIFICE, my time.

the word sacrifice is not counting when other people makes you do it. At the moment I was/am facing the hard part of the christian journey. and God was testing me like he was testing abraham, whether I am willing to make sacrifices. whether I am willing to spend time with him even though there might be other things that are more important. and I may not be so willing.

sacrifice is letting go sth you do not want to let go, or doing sth you dont want to do. Because you believe in the greater good!

Before, God had prepared me a nice environment to feel positive to praise and spend time with him. now he has placed me in the situation where praising him
is uncomfortable. stressful. uncontrollable.

So my journey begins now.
and I believe he can use 10min to change a person's life
PR
どうしたのかな。
反抗期にでもなったかな。
なんちゃって

あさって面接だよ、honoursの(日本語で何ていうかわからない)
しかしこんなに遅くまでおきて何やってんだよって話だよね

はやくねないと

そうそう、明日ありエッてィ見るんだ
たのしみだな〜

あぁ、恋がしたい
どうしたら恋に落ちることができるんだろう。。。
っというのが最近の悩み :/

じゃ、お休み
first time putting a coloured lenses on. feels really weird to have them
probably not going to wear them too long coz i think its distorting my vision and i can see the colour around it...
on the other day i was stating sth about my personality and values to my friend, about how i am quite casual with rules. Then I suddenly realised, I am once again not sure what sort of person I am, because its been a while from the last time I had evaluated myself and many things has changes. So i think its time to update myself with personal reflection.

work attitude: this definitely changed dramatically. i still allow myself to procrastinate once in a while so that i get sufficient break from work and study. with art, if i did not felt like working, i will not work. and when i do, i will use the chance to achieve a fair amount of work. with education, i've decided to shift my focus on classroom discussion rather than just stressing on the assignment. coz, it not those essays that's going to make me a teacher. and i have to become more comfortable with public speaking. with tutoring, i am actually a bit slack so far since i have shift the focus more on study now. but i think i need to change some attitude and find some time to organise all the documents.

relationship:
i think i have learnt to maintain a positive environment or role in the family (now i have less desire to move out of the house :P). Thanks to God, peace in the family is maintained. i am more aware of the emotional responsibility towards each member.
in terms of friendship or socialisation, i am meeting more new people since I have got involved in many other clubs and societies. but i also realised my awkward socialising skills and my depersonalised attitude towards people. i find developing new relationship is tiring and the way i greet them is almost like an act. i think i am too conscious of others' impression on me. and sometimes i think i am being too narcissistic, talking only about myself. or maybe the problem was just simply i dont meet enough new people : /.
about old friends, I MISS THEM OF COURSE, but too bad, its 3rd year, we are all busy. but i think i will dedicate and commit some time to catch up. i wont let go until i see their kids!
boyfriend? not stressing about it, at the moment enjoying the feeling of longing for a boyfriend. dont think will make my first move but at least would try and talk to ones i am interested and make social connection, coz i think thats natural to do. but overall, nobody knows whats gonna happen, so we'll see.

fashion: being quite playful with it. matching things just using what I have is fun. I think i wont want anymore clothes, for some reason we just dont lack supply of clothes. and i find some interesting/random things in the house to wear. about hats... its amazing that now i own more than 10 hats. now that i have short hair, i often wear hats and changing them everyday depending on my mood :).

sports: its quite bad that now i am not doing any form of sports apart from the volleyball practice prganised by church to prepare for competition... and SNOWBOARDING!!! aaahhh cant wait.

aaahhh, i need to go and take a bath,

to be continued.....
its only the second week, and yet I am already quite exhausted. The time has flew past without me realising it. I really hope there is extra time given secretly to me to catch up on things.

but at least at the moment the ideas are overflowing in my mind rather than getting stuck. But the risk is that I wouldnt know which one I should start with. and in the end not finishing any of them or not happy with any of the works. But NO WORRY *in fob accent* I will just remind my self to take things a day at a time. Just as the bible says live a day at a time, let tomorrow worry about tomorrow, today's burden is enough for today to worry. Even when things went out of control, always remember God has taken care of everything for me and is in control so NO WORRY *in fob accent*. So even my bicycle start to lose balance, he is right behind and the two hands are ready to get hold of the bicycle at anytime.

So tomorrow, again i will have super tight schedule. in the morning I will be going to the studio and during lunch I have committee things, in the afternoon I will be going to city to take some photo. Then go to clayton to buy a Japanese Book? or maybe? than back to studio to write proposal. take photo of the body parts ETCETCETC oh yeah and the film class......

when I go to city tomorrow I want to get that set of lights sold in mc in front of the clock. I know its somewhat costly for me, but since I will not be involved in the mission stuff in Japan might as well use some money on things I really want. wont hurt right?

that reminds me, the church camp money, and tutoring things I have to organise as well...

aaaahhhh so many things little time,

but I will live :)
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プロフィール
HN:
HELEN
年齢:
27
性別:
女性
誕生日:
1990/06/25
職業:
学生
趣味:
絵描き&裁縫
自己紹介:
血液型:AB型。